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Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

I'll get it!

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway (когда пожилой гражданин ехал по автостраде), his car phone rang (его телефон зазвонил /to ring-rang-rung/). Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him (взяв трубку: «отвечая», он услышал голос его жены, настоятельно предупреждающей его), "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 (Герман, я сейчас слышала в новостях, что "есть" машина, едущая по встречной полосе на шоссе 280). Please be careful! (пожалуйста, будь осторожен)"

"Heck (черт)," said Herman, "It's not just one car (это не одна машина). It's hundreds of them! (их сотни)"

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Please be careful!

An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things (одна восьмидесятитилетняя пара "имела проблемы" = испытывала затруднения с запоминанием "вещей"), so they decided to go to their doctor (и они решили пойти к их врачу) to get checked out ("стать проверенными" = чтобы их проверили) to make sure nothing was wrong with them (чтобы убедиться, что у них все в порядке; nothing — ничто, ничего; wrong — неправильно). When they arrived at the doctor's (когда они пришли к доктору; to arrive — прибывать), they explained (они объяснили) to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory (о проблемах, которые они переживали со своей памятью).

After checking the couple out (после проверки пары), the doctor tells them that they were physically okay (доктор говорит им, что физически они в порядке) but might start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things (но могут начать записывать "вещи" и писать записки, чтобы помочь им запомнить /некоторые/ вещи). The couple thanked the doctor and left (пара поблагодарила доктора и ушла /to leave-left-left — покидать/).

Later that night while watching TV (позже тем же вечером, смотря телевизор), the old man got up from his chair (старик встал со стула) and his wife asks (и его жена спрашивает), "Where are you going? (куда ты идешь)"

He replies, "To the kitchen (на кухню)."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? (ты не принесешь мне порцию мороженого; bowl — чашка)"

He replies, "Sure (конечно)."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it? (ты не думаешь, что тебе нужно это записать, чтобы ты смог это запомнить)"

He says, "No, I can remember that (нет, я могу это запомнить)."

She then (затем) says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top (ну, еще, я хотела бы несколько клубничек сверху). You'd better write that down 'cause I know you'll forget that (тебе бы лучше это записать, потому что я знаю, ты это забудешь)."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top (взбитые сливки наверху; whip — кнут, хлыст; to whip — хлестать; взбивать). I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice (с раздражением в голосе), he says, "I don't need to write that down (мне не нужно то записывать), I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen (он затем испаряется на кухню).

After about 20 minutes (через, примерно, двадцать минут) he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs (он возвращается из кухни и протягивает ей тарелку с беконом и яйцами).

She stares at the plate for a moment and says (она смотрит на тарелку с секунду и говорит), "You forgot my toast (ты забыл мой тост)."

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down 'cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.