Чтение онлайн

refinement украшение

to round up свести, округлить

trainee ученик

craftsman мастер

purpose цель

horn рожок

passage муз. пассаж

to handle обращаться (зд. играть, исполнять)

strings струнные

redundant избыточный

to eliminate изымать, уничтожать

concert концерт

to conclude заключать, подводить итоги

matters обстоятельства

Quality Assurance Manager менеджер по контролю за качеством

instead of вместо

in light of the above в свете вышеизложенного

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:

1) Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.

2) At lunch, make him a warm nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.

3) For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.

4) Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said to her. She replied, «You're going to die.»

Words and Expressions:

checkup проверка, осмотр

to accompany сопровождать

aside в сторону

mood настроение

nutritious питательный

especially особенно

to burden обременять, нагружать

household домашний, хозяйственный

chore домашняя работа

whim прихоть, каприз

good frame of mind хорошее расположение духа

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, «Put two drops in right ear every four hours,» and he abbreviated «right» as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

«Put two drops in R ear every four hours.»

Words and Expressions:

actually действительно

practice практика

earache боль в ухе

prescription предписание, рецепт

ear drops ушные капли

to abbreviate сокращать, давать аббревиатуру

circle кружок

greasy замасленный 

oil масло

pharmacist фармацевт

to type напечатать

label ярлык, этикетка

rear сленг зад

back in the early days давно в прошлом

«Would you mind telling me, Doctor,» Bob asked, «how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?»

«Nothing is easier,» he replied. «You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.»

«What sort of question?»

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' "

Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, «You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess, I don't know much about history.»

Words and Expressions:

to detect определять

mental умственный

deficiency недостаточность, неполноценность

nervous нервный

to put sb on the track наводить кого-л. на след

What sort of…? Какого типа…?

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, «Doc, I'm constipated.»

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, «Lean over the table.»

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK… and then sends him into the bathroom.

He comes out a few minutes later and says, «Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?»

The doctor says, «Stop wiping with cement bags!»

Words and Expressions:

construction строительный

constipation запор

to be constipated страдать запором

to whack разг. сильно ударять

baseball бейсбольный