Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы
Шрифт:
bat бита
to prevent предотвращать
cement цемент
bag мешок
Section 68
The heavenly baseball game
The devil challenged St. Peter to a baseball game. «How can you win, Satan?» asked St. Peter. "«All the famous ballplayers are up here.»
«How can I lose?» answered Satan. «All the umpires are down there.»
Words and Expressions:
heavenly небесный
to win выигрывать, побеждать
famous знаменитый
to lose проигрывать
umpire арбитр
to challenge sb to sth бросать кому-л. вызов в чем-л.
Section 69
Irish golfer and the magician
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. «Goodness,» says the golfer, and then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awakening, the little guy says, «Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a magician. I will grant you three wishes.»
The man says, «I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly,» and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the magician says, «Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life.»
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off losing for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The magician says, «I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?»
The golfer says, «It's great! I always win.»
«I did that for you,» responds the magician. «And might I ask how your money is holding out?»
«Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill,» he replied.
The magician smiles and says, «I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?»
Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, «Well, maybe once or twice a week.»
Floored the magician stammers, «Once or twice a week?»
The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, «Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.»
Words and Expressions:
to crank бить по мячу неуверенно, неточно
fairway гольф маршрут
knot зд. чалма
to revive оживлять
to depart отбывать, уходить
unlimited неограниченный
to mention упоминать
floored сленг удивленный
to stammer заикаться
priest священник
parish приход
Goodness! Боже!
upon awakening по пробуждении
you caught me fair and square разг. ты достал меня прямо и открыто
to grant sb's wishes выполнить чьи-л. желания
Section 70
Satan and a brave parisher
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, «Hey, don't you know who I am?»
The man says, «Yep, sure do.»
Satan says, «Well, aren't you afraid of me?»
The man says, «Nope. Sure ain't.»
Satan, perturbed, says, «And why aren't you afraid of me?» The man says, «Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years.»
Words and Expressions:
brave храбрый
parisher = parishioner прихожанин
bright яркий, ясный
service зд. служба
pew церковная скамья
alt arалтарь
to trample тяжело ступать, топать
evil зло
incarnate воплощение, олицетворение
to evacuate эвакуировать(ся)
ultimate конечный, главный
enemy враг
to confuse смущать
yep разг.yes
ain't разг. am not
to perturb приводить в смятение
except for за исключением
oblivious to sth не замечающий чего-л., находящийся в неведении относительно чего-л.
Part 3
Rendering
Ниже приводится серия русскоязычных анекдотов, которые я предлагаю вам изложить по-английски. Именно изложить, а не перевести: одной из наиболее распространенных ошибок, которую допускают подчас и профессиональные переводчики, является стремление полностью воспроизвести «букву» оригинала средствами родного языка; крайнее проявление этого стремления – дословный перевод. И получается вместо «голоден как волк» – «голоден как охотник» (hungry as a hunter), а вместо «сыграл в ящик» – «лягнул ведро» (kicked the bucket).